Why I Don’t Use “Nothing in Life is Free” with Dogs—and What I Do Instead

For decades, traditional dog training has centered around control. The idea has been simple: a good dog is one that obeys. No hesitation. No questions. Just quiet compliance. And one of the most common philosophies to come out of this mindset is the popular “Nothing in Life is Free” (NILIF) protocol.

The premise? Dogs must “earn” everything—meals, walks, attention—by performing a “command” first - even the word is about control - which is why I don’t use “command” in my training. I use language that reflects my intentions better, words like cue and request.

While making dogs work for everything may sound reasonable on the surface, it actually reinforces a transactional dynamic that can damage trust and increase anxiety in dogs, especially those already struggling with fear, stress or reactivity.

Here’s the thing: I believe dogs deserve more than just control. They deserve connection. We are in a partner relationship with our dogs, not a hierarchical one.

Moving Beyond Obedience

The old-school approach to dog training often overlooks a fundamental truth: dogs are intelligent, sentient, social beings capable of deep relationships. They don’t need to be dominated to live peacefully in our homes. They need understanding, structure, and freedom to make choices within safe boundaries, not unlike human children.

I’m not saying dogs should have zero expectations or that we shouldn’t provide guidance. What I am saying is, we must shift the focus from blind obedience to mutual communication and trust with our dogs. The results are more reliable, more joyful, and far more sustainable.

Think of It Like a Second Language

Dogs don’t learn through repetition alone—they learn through context. Just like we don’t memorize foreign vocabulary in isolation when trying to learn a new language, dogs thrive when we help them connect our cues with real-life situations, emotions, and outcomes. It’s not about simply performing a task for a reward—it’s about building shared understanding and connection.

This is especially important when working with fearful or anxious dogs. Demanding compliance from a nervous dog often backfires, leaving you not just at square one but even worse off! When we offer dogs choice, safety, and a clear framework for success, those same dogs blossom and thrive.

What I Use Instead of NILIF

Rather than the outdated “Nothing in Life is Free,” I use what I call “Everything in Life is Communication” (EILIC - I totally made this up so you can call it what works for you!) . My training philosophy is relationship-based, built on compassion, consent, and clear communication. Rather than just teaching your dog what to do, I teach them how to learn in ways that feel good and how to let you know when they don’t feel comfortable enough to learn.

Here’s what that looks like in practice:

• Offering choice when possible (like letting a dog opt out of petting or training)

  
  

• Using cues instead of commands—invitations, not demands, this is a two-way conversation!

  
  

• Focusing on consent-based interactions, especially in grooming or handling

  
  

• Creating predictability and routine so dogs feel safe and secure

  
  

• Reinforcing desired behaviors in a way that builds trust and confidence

Final Thoughts

Dog training isn’t meant to be a power struggle. In fact, it’s meant to be fun for both of you! The goal isn’t to control your dog—it’s to connect with them. And when you approach training as a conversation rather than a competition, you’ll be amazed at what your dog is capable of and willing to do for you.

Want to learn how to connect with your shy, fearful or reactive dog on a deeper level? A great place to start is with my free course Peaceful Walks Start Here: A Free Course for Pawrents of Reactive/Fearful Dogs.