Still a Dog Mom: Grieving a Dog and Coping With Pet Loss

The Rainbow Bridge

Exploring the Ongoing Journey of Love When Your Dog Is Gone

Last week I had a conversation with a friend who'd recently lost her beloved cat. As we talked about the grief and the empty spaces left behind, she mentioned having given away some of her cat’s things, including her cat mom T-shirt saying: “I’m not a cat mom anymore now that she’s gone.” I was surprised because I wear my dog mom T-shirt all the time and still feel 100% like a dog mom even though, for now at least, I don’t have a dog.💔

So, what makes someone a cat or dog mom? Is it the presence of the pet in their home or the knowledge they had been there? Perhaps, like so much about pet loss and grief, it’s different for everyone. Even if I never adopt another dog, I’ll still see myself as a dog mom. I'm still a daughter even though my mother is gone so I'm still a mom even though my canine daughter is gone. The way I see it, I'll always be Jake's and Shadow Dawn's mother even though they have both have passed on.

Identity is personal and impacts how each individual experiences the loss of a pet and how they navigate life afterwards, whether that’s adopting a new pet - as I eventually will - or not as my friend has decided.

Shadow Dawn & Ruth, 2024

If you’ve ever experienced pet loss and the grief that goes with it, you know it’s more than missing a furry friend. It’s a shift in your daily routine, your heart and your sense of self. The relationship doesn't end just because your dog is no longer physically with you. How you define that relationship is up to you.

My friend’s cat passed after a long illness as did my Jake so part of both of our shifts in daily routine included the lack of extensive caregiving tasks. What does one do with all that extra time? I took up several hobbies, including creating mosaic art. My friend’s loss is very recent so she has yet to discover how to fill that space. That journey is still ahead of her.

The shock of Shadow Dawn’s sudden death at only four years old left a different kind of hole in my life that didn’t hurt any less for only having her in my life for two years.

Jake in 2013. He's the reason I became a dog trainer.

Although loss and grief are universal, how we each walk that path is highly individual.

Why does it hurt so much when we lose a pet? There isn’t just one answer.

💔 Why Pet Loss Grief Is So Deep

Grieving a dog (or any pet) is just as intense and difficult as mourning a human loved one which isn’t surprising when you consider that over 70% of pet owners consider pets part of the family (based on research from the Human Animal Bond Research Institute).

Research shows many pet parents go through deep emotional pain, including sadness, numbness and even depression after losing a pet. What makes pet loss uniquely difficult is the special bond we share with them: it's unconditional, deeply personal and woven into the fabric of our lives. The loss of the intimacy we share with our pets is devastating.

In fact, a study published in Scientific American found that the emotional distress of coping with pet loss mirrors the trauma of losing a close human companion, especially if that pet was a daily source of comfort, routine and emotional support as so many pets are.

🐾 Still a Dog Mom, Always

For me, being a dog mom doesn’t always require a leash in your hand or toys in the living room. It’s a mindset, a way of loving, and a connection that outlives death. I’m still a dog mom every time I turn to say something to Shadow Dawn before I remember she isn’t sitting next to me anymore. I’m a dog mom every time I smile at all the blue nose pitbulls I follow on Instagram who look so much like my pretty Shady girl. And I’m a dog mom every time I reminisce with my family about Jake’s delightful antics.

I may not currently live with a dog, but I’m still packing treats in my coat pocket, still whispering goodnight to Jake and Shadow and still loving them both fiercely.

If you feel the same way, please know this: You are still their person. You are still a dog mom if that's how you feel.

Unless your mourning journey demands you see things another way. That’s OK, too. As I said, loss is universal but grief is extremely personal.❤️‍🩹

As a certified pet loss specialist, I want to share the following tips to consider if you are experiencing the grief of pet loss.

I wear this bracelet almost every day.

🌿 Tips for Coping With Pet Loss

There’s no one “right” way to grieve, but here are some gentle suggestions that can help you move through the pain:

• Acknowledge your grief. It’s real, valid and worthy of time and space.

  
  

• Create a memorial. Light a candle, frame a photo or plant a tree in your pet’s honor.

  
  

• Talk about your pet. Sharing memories keeps them alive in your heart and your life. Seek out people - whether friends, family or professionals - who will compassionately give you the time and space you need to talk about your pet.

  
  

• Don’t rush your identity. If it makes you feel better to still consider yourself a pet parent, great. If not, also great. How you feel is legitimate regardless of how other people feel or may want you to feel.

  
  

• Don't rush your process. Your journey is unique and it will take the time it takes even if someone else thinks you should be “over it” by now.

💬 Share Your Story

If you're navigating life after pet loss, you are not alone. Whether your dog is curled at your feet or only alive in your memory, your love is real and so is your identity as their person.

🧡 I’d love to hear your story. Leave a comment or send me a message and tell me about the dog (or any pet) who changed your life. Whether they’re here or held forever in your heart, your story matters.