Mindset Magic: Reframing How You Think About Your Dog’s Reactivity

When it comes to life with your reactive dog, your mindset matters more than you might think. The lens through which you observe your dog’s behavior shapes how you think and feel about what they do and why. That, in turn, informs how you respond during challenging moments and whether - or not - you feel empowered or demoralized.

The same goes for your mindset around training your dog. Whether it feels like a chore or a joy is totally up to you. Remember that old quote? "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." Henry Ford, successful American industrialist said that and what he meant was: Mindset is the key to success! 

In my signature CHARM Approach, M is for Mindset because no matter how solid your training plan or how much you love your dog, without the right attitude you are at minimum doing everything the hard way and at worst setting you and your dog up to fail. How you think about your dog, your role as their caregiver, and the journey you’re on together lays the foundation for all that follows.

Because the CHARM Approach is holistic, mindset doesn’t come last in the process (even though it does in the acronym), rather it permeates everything we do together. Throughout all of our training programs each element is seamlessly woven into activities so you and your dog are always growing Confidence, improving leash Handling skills, implementing specific enrichment Activities, Responding to triggers and developing a positive Mindset toward all of it.

Your Dog Isn’t Giving You a Hard Time

One of the most powerful shifts you can make is moving from “My dog is giving me a hard time” to “My dog is having a hard time.” That tiny change in language holds so much power. It opens the door to empathy, understanding, and better problem-solving. When you see your dog’s reactive behavior as a cry for help rather than misbehavior, you’re advocating for your dog which helps them feel safe enough to learn new ways to communicate their feelings. Supporting your dog’s emotional wellness is the best way to support their learning and shift their behavior.

My Dog Is Stubborn, that’s Why Progress is Slow

Let me give you an example. Often, new clients tell me their dog is “stubborn” which is why they are having a hard time training them. I know that’s not the problem because that’s just not how dogs operate. Reactive behaviors like barking and lunging at other dogs on leash are most often caused by fear, overexcitement or a desire for your attention.

To be stubborn means that one deliberately and persistently refuses to change their thoughts or behaviors, especially when there are plenty of great reasons to do so. Some synonyms for stubborn are: obstinate, hardheaded, intransigent and implacable to name just a few. If you think these words describe the observable behavior of your dog, you must go deeper. Rather than your dog simply refusing to do as you wish out of pure contrariness, they’re struggling with strong and unpleasant feelings like extreme fear.

FEAR in dogs, like fear in people, is a basic and necessary emotion. Fear is a feeling within oneself of distress and apprehension brought on by perceived danger. Fear is a strong emotion that creates both physical and psychological responses that shape behavior. When a person or dog is afraid, their heart rate and blood pressure increase, breathing changes and adrenaline and other stress hormones flood the body. This is the fight or flight response evolution equipped creatures with so that we may survive.

Fight or flight is actually a great thing when danger is real but, when ordinary situations are perceived as dangerous  - as with your dog’s reactive behavior - the body’s overreaction through fight or flight is debilitating. And, it’s not just the body that reacts like this, perceived fear creates emotional stress, even intense panic, which affects cognitive functions and makes it difficult for your dog to focus on what you’re asking them to do. In these moments rational thoughts don’t exist and your dog is unable to respond to you because they are too busy reacting to what scares them.

So, your dog’s reactive behavior isn’t “stubborn,” it’s adaptive. Your dog isn’t purposely disobeying you, they’re trying to survive. Your dog isn’t being a problem, they’re having a problem. What you need to do to get the results you want is help your dog to feel safe which enables them to focus on you and learn new ways to think and feel about things that used to frighten them.

Training Reactive Dogs Isn’t About Appearances—It’s About Emotions

Many dog parents come into training hoping to change their dog’s outward behavior. They want fewer outbursts, more responsiveness and calmer walks. And, absolutely training leads to those changes! But first, you need to make your dog feel safe. In reactivity work, the real magic happens when you shift your mindset from seeking changes in your dog’s outward behavior to understanding why your dog is acting this way. From there you learn to soothe the emotions driving their reactive behavior. Supporting your dog to express themselves in healthy ways through emotional wellness rather than focusing on their unwanted actions is the game changing mindset you both need. Start by adjusting your expectations, learn to notice early signs of stress, and celebrate tiny wins along with big breakthroughs.

Switching to a compassionate growth mindset shifts your training experience from a task list to be checked off as quickly as possible to a powerful and enjoyable relationship-building process that teaches your dog better ways to feel and communicate. The right mindset helps you and your dog learn how to listen and respond appropriately which in turn generates long term success.

Progress Over Perfection

Dog training isn’t a one and done type of thing. It’s a lifelong practice just like we humans enjoy being lifelong learners. Training results with your reactive dog aren’t going to be linear. You’ll have some great days and some super challenging days. You’ll have days when you wonder if you’re getting anywhere at all (trust me, you are!). Some days you’ll feel like a superstar and other days you’ll feel like nobody can understand what you’re going through. That’s why the right mindset is everything. If you believe progress means perfection or fast results, you’ll burn out quickly. But if you trust that progress can be messy, and that every step forward—no matter how small—counts, you’ll be much more likely to stick with it. It’s not you against your dog’s unwanted behavior, it’s you and your dog forging a new way forward together.

Here’s a mantra to try when you need a reminder: It’s not about fixing my dog. It’s about showing up for them with calm, curiosity, and compassion.

I’ve developed the CHARM Approach from working specifically with reactive dogs and their families over the past decade. My mindset as your trainer is as important as your mindset as a dog parent. I see your dog as a person, just like you. Your dog is a sensitive, sentient creature whose behavior is full of nuance and not necessarily the same day to day. Although my CHARM Approach uses consistent elements, it has the flexibility to be applied uniquely to each dog. I partner with you and your dog to reach your goals. An important part of that is considering how you think, how you talk to yourself about your dog, and how you define success. Your mindset won’t just change your dog’s behavior—it will change your whole experience of being their person. It’s not just game changing, it’s life changing.

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