As a dog Mom & trainer, I strongly believe your dog is entitled to private “sacred space” (aka a “safe place”) where they can go when they want/need space and time alone. For example, if you have guests over and your dog feels overwhelmed by all the activity, they get to choose to hang out in their safe place and not be involved in the group activity.
This doesn't mean your dog is unfriendly or unsocialized. Perhaps a guest made too much eye contact. Or the kids are petting them too roughly. Your dog's sacred space (and by "sacred," I mean sacrosanct). Their space doesn’t have to be fancy either, just a bed in a corner is fine. The important thing is that, when your dog is in that place, everyone leaves them alone. When your dog is ready to re-engage in family activities, they will let you know.
Here’s a picture of my dog, Jake’s, “safe place” (a phrase he knows). Jake goes to this spot when he wants to convey to me that he isn't feeling up to doing something I want to do, like groom him. It's important to me that I, along with everyone else in Jake's life, respect his agency.
Jake's safe place is this blue bed under a table that is up against the wall. He knows to go here when he wants to be left alone for whatever reason.
For example, if I decide it’s time to clean his ears (which he doesn’t like but is very prone to ear infections so it happens fairly regularly), but Jake just isn’t in the mood for it, he can go to his safe place and I’ll put off cleaning his ears until later when he feels more up to it. This gives him a choice about things that impact him directly and allows Jake to be in a better emotional state later when he does get his ears cleaned.
Jake’s beloved human cousin, Conal, likes to tease Jake a bit (kindly and usually Jake loves it). If Jake isn’t in the mood or has had enough for one day, he can simply go to his safe place and the good natured teasing stops.
Dogs can also use their “sacred space” for undisturbed napping or chewing, to snuggle down into when there is a storm and to take a break when feeling a bit overstimulated.
Have this place, a sort of off limits I’m going to my room sort of feeling that most humans tend to take for granted, allows your dog choice. Choice is so important in the life of a creature who, because of the nature of our society, really doesn’t have much choice in anything else. As dog parents, we decide everything for them. Most of those decisions are based on what works for us. This isn’t bad, but we must remember our dogs are intelligent sensitive beings, entitled to some level of autonomy over themselves.
Having a “safe place” like Jake’s helps your dog feel safe. There are 2 main requirements for a safe place to be effective:
Perhaps obviously, your dog has to like & feel safe in the space. If it's uncomfortable they simply won't use it. A quiet out of the way spot versus a middle of a high traffic area patch of carpet. Jake’s space is a comfy bed under the table in his play area. He has another bed in an open space in his play area for when he wants to be more social. Your dog must feel safe in the space which only happens if the sanctity of the safe place is respected by all. If even one person violates the safe space rule, it completely ceases to be seen by your dog as a safe place.
ALL HUMANS MUST RESPECT THE SACRED SPACE. The whole thing doesn’t work if people in your dog’s life don’t treat the sacred space as, well…sacred. For example, if I were to ignore that Jake has gone to his safe place and reach in to clean his ears (or worse yet, pull him out!) regardless of his wishes, his space isn’t “safe” any longer since I didn't respect his request to not clean his ears in that moment.
If you meet these two criteria when setting up your dog’s safe place, they will soon learn this is a place they can retreat to when in need of a break from the hubbub of life. It doesn’t mean your dog loves you any less or is trying to defy you in any way. It simply means your dog needs a minute to themself to gather their thoughts.
Giving your dog this choice to have autonomy over some aspects of their day to day life is an act of love and compassion that will win you dog parent of the year in my book!
Does your dog have a safe place? Do you plan to set one up? I'd love to hear all about it! Share any questions you have about setting one up in the comments.
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