You Don’t Owe Anyone an Apology for Your Reactive Dog
- Ruth Hegarty
- Oct 22
- 4 min read
If You Have a Reactive Dog, You Know this Feeling
Your dog barks and lunges during a walk and before you can even think, you're saying “I’m sorry!” to everyone in the vicinity. But have you - or your dog - done anything wrong?
Most reactive dog parents have found themselves doing this. Your dog does something embarrassing, drawing attention to both of you and you feel compelled to apologize. I used to do this myself. When my first dog Jake would freak out when he saw other dogs, I'd apologize to the other dog parent, passers-by - basically anyone who was around. Jake wasn't acting calm like the other dogs so I though he must be the problem.
As I learned more about why Jake acted the way he did, I realized he wasn’t the problem, he simply had a problem and I had nothing to apologize for. After my "aha" moment, I stopped apologizing for Jake's behavior and started advocating for his needs instead.
Don't get me wrong, I didn't just stop apologizing and let Jake rant and rave to his heart's content. I didn't apologize because Jake wasn't doing anything wrong but he did have a serious problem. Jake was afraid of other dogs as the result of a dog park attack. His outbursts happened because he thought he was in danger. Instead of being embarrassed by his behavior, I needed to support his recovery.
Advocate -
Don’t Apologize -
for Your Reactive Dog
Many of us (and women tend to do this more than men) fall into a habit of apologizing as a default to standing out in what we perceive as a negative way. Our dog drawers attention to themself by losing their cool around a fear trigger and we're embarrassed, uncomfortable that others are looking at us and possibly judging us.
Apologizing isn't actually the problem here, it's merely a symptom. When I apologized for Jake's reactive behavior, I was prioritizing other people's opinions over my dog's wellbeing. That was a problem. Worrying about how other people perceived us wasn't helping Jake. My focus should have been (and eventually was) on helping Jake feel safe. As I learned more about what was going on with Jake, why he was acting out and how to help him, I naturally focused my attention on supporting Jake's healing journey, advocating for his needs and educating others on reactivity (to the point where I left teaching to become a reactive behavior expert).
Your dog’s reactivity isn’t something to apologize for, it’s something to understand, advocate for and change through compassionate training.
Why Apologizing Doesn’t Help Your Dog (or You)
You’re just trying to be polite yet, when you lead with apology, you shift focus away from what’s really happening: your dog is communicating discomfort. Reactivity isn’t “bad behavior”—it’s your dog saying, “I don’t feel safe.” Focusing on how other people may feel seeing your dog’s behavior keeps you from helping your dog (and yourself) feel better.
I’m certainly not suggesting you be rude to anyone but since your dog isn’t doing something wrong, you have no need to apologize. Further, apologizing tends to make you rush through moments that actually require calm, space, and reassurance. Over time, that keeps both you and your dog stuck in a stress loop where it’s harder for the behavior to change.
What your dog needs during reactive outbursts is your focus on them, your steady presence & your ability to say, “I’ve got this.”
What Advocacy Looks Like in Real Life
Advocating means standing up for your dog’s needs, even when others don’t understand. That can look like:
🛑 Saying, “We need space, thanks,” instead of “Sorry!”
🐾 Turning and walking away when someone says, “My dog’s friendly!”
🟡 Using a yellow leash sleeve, vest, or tag to signal your dog needs distance
🕰️ Choosing quieter times or routes for walks
🛣️ Letting your dog observe from a safe distance instead of forcing interaction
These small but powerful acts of compassion and attention show your dog they can trust you to keep them safe—that’s where progress begins.
There's No Need to Apologize for Your Dog
Parenting a reactive dog takes courage, empathy, and heart. You’re learning to navigate a world that is overwhelming for your dog, stressful for you and where every step you take together can be a journey toward healing.
Next time someone gives you a look or a comment, take a deep breath. Replace “I’m sorry” with “We’re working on it,” or simply, “Thanks for the space.”
Advocacy builds trust. Trust builds calm. And calm leads to behavior change.
💡Keep Learning with Creature Good Dog Training
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